Strategies to help overcome disappointments: Friendship and relaxation


One of the greatest disappointments that can go along with finding out that you are lesbian, gay, transgender or intersex is that you realize that you may not have children. The feelings of loss that you may experience about this may be compounded by feelings of inadequacy that stem from your own internalized homophobia or transphobia, for example. You may feel deep down that you don’t deserve to have children because of your sex, your sexual orientation or your gender orientation. You may have even started to internalize some of the negative messages from society about same-sex couples, about trans families or about intersex individuals that tell us we are not able to provide adequate environments for children. These feelings can become problematic if you don’t work to overcome them. Pink Families share two strategies to help you overcome disappointments: friendship and relaxation.

Keep your friends close

Studies have shown that our relationships with others influence how we feel about our own well-being. Even though we don’t pick our friends based on what they can give us in actual fact our friends do provide support to us when times are tough. Good friends end up giving us a lot of benefits.

In fact, we often end up accessing different resources through our friends. Friends help us develop more trust in society and help us cope with illness. Research has even shown that those who develop close friendships are helped with fighting illness and coping with stress.

In other words, keeping your friends close and sharing your experiences with them will help you overcome disappointments and help you to remain positive.


Finding time to relax may also help. Many of us find a wide variety of activities relaxing. Doing exercise may help with relaxation. Meditation can help. Yoga can help.

A specific type of relaxation may be useful to you. There are two main types of relaxation to try: autogenic relaxation and progressive muscle relaxation.

Autogenic relaxation is relaxation that mostly involves visualization to help achieve a relaxed state. The second type of relaxation is called progressive muscle relaxation. This type of relaxation is referred to as PMR. PMR involves targeting muscular tension within your body in order to relax that area.

Take action

There are many different strategies to help you to remain positive and keep motivated when you experience disappointment in relation to your fertility treatment or when you are trying to get pregnant. Spending time with friends and expressing your feelings is one strategy. Another strategy is relaxation. Experiment with both types of relaxation and find out what works for you. Even better, why not try doing this with a friend.

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